So since January I have struggled. I have struggled with school, healthy eating and exercise. Why? Well because as most Americans have experienced I am in fear of job loss. I am not going to name the company or go into too much detail, but long story short we are being restructured. I am not angry, not upset, but obviously have major concerns about our financial situation once it is all said and done.
A few weeks ago the husband and I traveled to Atlanta for the Days of the Dead convention. He and a friend were setup as vendors at the show! It was incredible to be the supportive wife! I got to meet so many nice people from fans of Oblivion FX (the company he works for), one of the other builders in the company, actors from different horror films and other amazing and talented vendors! (I will have to blog about this much later!)
That weekend I was supposed to bring my school books and work and work all weekend while enjoying my time. When we arrived and I first attempted to use the internet at the hotel it was TERRIBLE! I couldn’t work on anything that I needed to. So I decided I wasn’t going to stress about what I had no control over. For me, that is a huge undertaking. I always stress about stuff I have no control over. I am a control freak.
But I am proud of myself. I did it. I didn’t think about my job and I didn’t think about school. Until we got back home.
But when we got home my attitude had changed from (before we left) dismal to refreshed. Revived. It’s amazing what 5 days of a break from “real life” can do for your soul.
Then came a glaring issue that I knew I was going to have to face… School. Work will be work until we know where the pieces fall. I have NO control over the outcome so I have to be patient and just take what comes…deal with it then. But school. Oh lovely school. That I have control over, but I have struggled since January in my classes. I fought with whether I should take classes this semester. How am I supposed to concentrate on school when I have so much I have to deal with at work right now? But I decided it best to push on. For all I knew work could all be hashed out in a few weeks, then I would kick myself for wasting my time.
Well, that hasn’t exactly happened. Work is still there, chugging along, not knowing what’s happening from day to day. And school…well it’s suffered. A lot. Not only is one of the hardest semester I have had academically, but also mentally.
I had toyed with the idea of what to do. Do I drop a class? Do I keep on and just settle for whatever mediocre grade I can obtain?
Well, it all became clear to me Wednesday night of last week (yep, just a few days ago). Drop a class and spread out the remaining classes so that I graduate in fall. The moment I pictured the lighter load of work, I knew it was the right decision. I could breathe again. Seriously.
Are their downsides? Sure. I would have LIKED to graduate in the summer as originally planned, but not with poor grades.
But the upsides outweigh the downsides immensely. The fact that I can now finish this semester possibly with two As. The fact that I can concentrate on getting back to being healthy. I had to stop yoga and let my eating slip back to fast food because how did I have time to do anything else when I was spending all of my time keeping my head above water? But my health is the most important thing to me at this point. School will not help me in 20 years if I’m weak, struggling from heart problems, sick all the time, etc. It will help my obtain a decent paying job. I am thankful for that, but I need to be heathy to maintain that job.
Your health is the most important thing. I feel it should be for everyone. So there you have. Make the choices you need. And keep in my health means all forms of health. Not just physical, but also emotional and mental. Love your body and love yourself! No one else can do that for you.
So this year has started off…interesting to say the least. And it seems like it will remain challenging for quite some time.
With all of the stress of things that are literally “hanging by a thread” combined with starting a tough semester of school and trying to get even more accomplished with the photography business, I decided that putting off working out had to stop.
I started back to yoga this week and will begin running again this weekend. Yeah!
I fell in love all over again with yoga yesterday night in class. I struggled a little, but not nearly as bad as I had expected. The best part, though? Breathing. Breathing is one of the most important things you do in a yoga class and it’s even more important in hot yoga. I hadn’t paid much attention to my breathing in class until the past few weeks. Wow. Who knew? Those crazy yoga instructors are on to something when they preach to you about breathing. 
Last night in class everytime I released a breath I felt like I was releasing all of the stress, confusion, frustration, and sadness that I had been holding onto for the past two weeks. It was like breathing for the first time. I walked into that class feeling like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders and walked out feeling light and at peace.
So my point is…exercise can be hard. It’s work. It can seem like a waste of time. It can seem like there’s just “not enough time in the day”. I know all of these feelings all too well. But you have to overcome those feelings. You have to decide that you want to be healthy and feel better.
I challenge you to this… Pick a day. Any day between now and Sunday. Do some form of exercise. After your done note how you are feeling. Then, the next time you want to come up with a million excuses regarding why you can’t exercise, think about that feeling. Let me know how that works for you.
-CF
So 2011 had some ups and downs, but all-in-all was a pretty good year.
To write this blog I went back and read through the “Reverb” exercise I participated in last year. It was amazing! Reverb was probably one of the most important things I did last year and I really missed it this year. It was so fun to read where I was then and compare it to where I am now. It’s amazing how much someone changes in just a year.
School
Ah school. The looming pressure hanging over my head. I am entering into my second-to-last semester at school. In July 2012 I will be an Athens State graduate with a bachelor’s degree in accounting. w00t! When I finish my degree I will take a break to focus on my careers (photography and accounting), then begin a master’s program at UAH. After my masters… I.AM.DONE!
I love school, but I will not miss it consuming my life for months at a time. 
Photography
So the word that I wanted to represent 2011 for me was “growth”. I have grown in many ways, but one of the most exciting is my photography business. I didn’t work with more clients than last year, however, I have had some very exciting things happen in the past few months that may catapult my business into overdrive like I have been wanting.
The first is I have finally applied for a studio space! It feels like such a huge, but necessary step. I applied at the Lowe Mill a couple of weeks ago and have been on the edge of my seat ever since! I can’t wait to hear back.
The second is that a recent bride of mine was asked to have her wedding in one of North Alabama’s bridal magazines which of course means my wedding is going to be said magazine! Also very exciting. It should be coming out in January and I am over-the-moon excited about it! Of course once the magazine is published I will have to post a cutesy photo of my with the magazine!
Health
This was also something I wanted to address in 2011 and unlike so many other years before I finally did it. I finally started working on getting healthy. I am working towards a diet/exercise blog. It will not be a “how-to” that people should follow, but more so a motivation. I still find myself struggling everyday with the food aspect. When you’re busy it’s just so much easier to go for something that’s fast and cheap. Which isn’t ALWAYS a bad thing.
I ran my first 5k in October. It was an emotional run for so many reasons. First because it was for SUCH an amazing cause. I ran for women who were important in my life who had survived breast cancer. I ran WITH women and men who had survived breast cancer. Second it was my FIRST race ever. The first of many. Third it was another accomplishment being marked off my bucket list. I had always wanted to run in a race. And I did. Now I’m completely addicted.
I have found things that work for me and things that don’t. I want to share that with people. I want people to understand that I didn’t wake up one day 25 pounds healthier. I made a change in my lifestyle so that I could be healthy. I stopped making excuses which is why we all struggle. (For example: I didn’t want to go to hot yoga tonight because it’s so freaking cold outside…. TOO BAD! )
Health is like anything that you want or want to change about your lifestyle. It takes a commitment and it’s not always easy. Hopefully some folks will find it inspirational.
Career
Um…working on it. Let’s leave it at that.
So I realize that we still have a month to go before we have let yet another year pass us by. Only I hope none of you have let it “pass you by”. I hope that each and every person reached for and grabbed their dreams and goals.
This has been a year of changes. I have struggled through the changes, but changes have been made for sure. In fact, changes would be a good word for me for this year…
At the beginning of the year I found myself questioning my health. I thank my husband’s “heart attack at 30″ for that. I entered the new year weighing more than I ever had. It wasn’t surprising to me that I weighed as much as I did. I had all of the excuses! Stress, tired, too much work, too much school, didn’t want to eat healthy, wanted to enjoy life. But I had to really re-evaluate my thinking. Why on earth would I think in a way that would put myself in a situation where I was unhealthy…and not even 30 yet???
It is SO easy to keep the unhealthy habits that you had at 20. Those habits were just as unhealthy at 20 as 30, but the difference? They become apparent on the outside. They make you think. Of course your body starts slowing down. But you know you can change that, right? Sure it’s harder. We’re all busier at 30 than 20. Well, most of the people I know are. So of course it’s harder to figure where to squeeze in that hour of exercise or food preperation. Who has time for that?
My advise to you? MAKE TIME.
I am still not entirely sure when it happened. I found myself getting motivation from a friend of mine (Alex *wink wink*). I loved reading about her progress and found myself getting excited about making some changes of my own. Some very important changes.
I made the changes. I dropped 25 pounds. I feel better. I absolutely love working out. I love eating healthy (although I still really struggle with this and this will be my major project for the year to come).
I soon realized that I could eat healthy and still enjoy food. I found that running and yoga (hot yoga to be exact) are my favorite things ever! I mean they have become two passions and I absolutely cannot live without them. I am a different person when I don’t get in a good amount of exercise a week. After making these changes I found that I wasn’t as stressed. I wasn’t as tired. I wasn’t craving all of those bad foods. I wasn’t tired all the time! School was easier to focus on. And…it was nice to MAKE myself leave work at 5 so that I could get my exercise in…even if it meant that I would have to work after (worked from home late many nights so I could running after work).
Changes. I has made them.
These changes came with a lot of facebook posts and tweets. Some people I am sure were irritated reading it. It was something I felt I had to do. It held me accountable. Once I started posting I received a lot of feedback from friends stating how motivating it was for them to read my posts. Some friends started running, some learned they wanted to run. Some just wanted to make some lifestyle changes of their own. How am I supposed to stop posting now?!
I guess my point is…yes it’s hard. There are days that I would rather sit on the couch, watch horrible t.v. and eat a cheeseburger, fries and a pint of ice cream. However, is that really going to make me happy in the end? No. I want to live for a VERY long time. I want to take as much control of my life as I can (’cause you know, sometimes life has other plans for you) and stick around for me and for those that love me.
Changes. They’re worth it. They make life fun and they keep things interesting. Why not switch it up a bit?
I always used to go to her house after school. When I was in elementary school, I remember getting of the bus and walking down the road that seemed to go on forever. I’m sure now it wouldn’t seem so bad. I would get to house and knock on the door and wait. I always had knots in the pit of my stomach. You see, mom and dad always raised me to be prepared. “You just never know what might happen.” So as a young child I was trained in a sense…”Chrissy, what do you do if you knock on the door and Grandma doesn’t answer?” I would always reply with a heavy heart, “Go to the neighbor and call 911, then call you or dad.”
As a child I never really understood why I had to feel like my grandmother could go any day. Who lives like that? Now, looking back, it makes sense. I mean she was in her 70′s at the time. You have to be prepared for the worst sometimes. Luckily I never had to deal with the “day she didn’t answer the door”. But you better believe if it took her longer than a minute or two (she had a hard time getting around) I would start panicking. My hands would sweat, my heart would pound and I would be in tears.
I’ll never forget coming home to her after school and eating all kinds of delicious foods. My mom would get angry because then I wouldn’t eat my dinner. I never understood what the big deal was. She was Grandma. Wasn’t that what she was supposed to do? We would play cards, I would play musical instruments for her. She loved to listen to me play. We would watch cartoons together. And although she couldn’t take me places (due to her bad hearing and sight she never drove) we had the best times.
I always remember her praying. Grandma was a devout catholic and tried so hard to teach me about catholicism. At a young age, I honestly didn’t want to hear much about it, but so much of what she tried to teach me stayed with me for so long. Very strong (sometimes too strong) moral values and beliefs are what I carried away. I never stepped down from the things I truly believed in. Neither did she.
As a child and teenager I would think about all of the things she had seen in her lifetime. Such a long lifetime she lived. She lived through so many changes in the world. (I’m glad she didn’t have to witness 911 or the absolute mess our economy has become).
After we left Albertville she lived with us. It was hard at times, but I think her living with us gave me more time with her than if she had been living in a home.
When we moved to Huntsville she had her first heart attack, a mild one. Many followed after that. None of them were ever severe, but it always felt like a waiting game. Waiting for the one that just might be it for her. She was stubborn. Rejecting the medicines she had to take, rejecting doctor’s advice on health. It was so frustrating. But she was in her 70′s and no one was going to tell her any different. I always remember her telling me when pleading with her to eat better, “Chrissy, when it’s my time to go, it’s my time to go. God has his plan.” Being young I thought that was selfish and foolish. And although I don’t believe a “god” would have a planned time for people to go, I do believe in fate. I do believe people leave our lives when they do for specific reasons. Whether it be to teach us something or simply open our eyes.
We moved to Tampa from Largo. Her health started to deteriorate. I could see changes in her.
I will never forget the day I came home to my mom on the couch crying. I didn’t understand right away because everyone was home. Then she sat me down and said, “We think Grandma had a stroke.” She started to tell me that they didn’t think she had eaten at all that day. My mom made her some soup and she couldn’t hold the spoon. They wanted to take her to the hospital, but she refused.
I remember my dad (this was his mom). I have never seen so much pain on his face. I wanted to be comforting, but didn’t know how. He didn’t know what to do. He knew she needed to go to the hospital, but it wasn’t what she wanted. Finally he made the decision to call 911. By the time they got there, they were able to take her to the hospital without to much of a fight.
My parents left and I stayed with my brother who was only 12 at the time. My mom had my other grandparents (her parents) come stay with us. It seemed life forever. I remember my parents getting home pretty late. She had a stroke. Possibly another heart attack. She didn’t know who my mom was. She thought my dad was her brother (who had not been around for some time). She thought she was in 1940. Hearing all of that broke my heart. They had to sedate her to keep her from hurting herself.
I decided the next day to go to the hospital to see her. It was probably one of the hardest things I had to do (tied with watching Shay in the hospital). She was so distressed. She kept crying that she wanted to go home. She kept trying to pull out her IV. I couldn’t go back. I can’t imagine how hard that was on my parents. Watching her. Not being able to explain to her why she couldn’t go home. Why she had to stay strapped to a bed. Damn.
She hung on for almost I week I think. I remember the night she passed. My dad is convinced she was waiting for a priest to come perform Last Rites. She hung on until he left. I think my dad is right.
My parents flew to New York to bury her with my grandfather (whom I never got to meet. He did of lung cancer when my dad was 19. Otto. Never thought you could miss someone you never knew. But I do.) I stayed home. Took time to let it all sink in. It took some time to really hit me. But when it did…it was like no emotion I had ever felt. I had nightmares about her needing my help, but I couldn’t get to her. I had those nightmares for almost 4 years after. I could still hear her shuffling her feet in the hallway.
I feel her. I don’t know if we say that because we want to feel them, but I know i’m not the only one.
My grandmother, Helen, passed away 10 years ago on August 16th. I can’t believe how much time has passed. I still miss her like crazy. Every year I miss her the most around this time. Even when life gets it’s most hectic, I start thinking about her like clockwork. Stop. Remembering her. Smiling.
So for about six weeks I have been on this “diet and exercise” kick. And by kick I of course mean life change!
Well this weekend I just wasn’t “feelin it”. I had cramps, I was exhausted from some very long and stressful days at work and I was just tired.
Generally I take a break on Friday and Sunday from my exercise routine. But Saturday morning I found myself sitting there trying to talk myself out of going on my three-mile walk up Monte Sano mountain. I mean, who doesn’t want to spend their Saturday morning huffing, sweating and in pain?? So I laid in bed for about 45 minutes going back and forth with myself and decided that if I wanted to eat Casa Blanca for lunch (and how I did!) then I needed to exercise that morning.
So I went.
I really didn’t expect the result. The entire time I was walking I felt absolutely amazing. I wasn’t tired, I wasn’t stressed, no cramps. I honestly felt great! (When I got home that was a different story…damn you mother nature!)
I really don’t want to turn into one of “those” people. You know the type? The ones who only talk about eating healthy and working out. Well I have actually started to turn into that type. And you know what? I have actually motivated a few people as well as kept myself motivated!
I can honestly say that one hour a day that I give myself to walk (soon to be running) or do hot yoga is my favorite time of the day. I long for it. I look forward to it. Well…most days. Some days I just want to go home and sleep. But, when work is chaotic and school is pushing me too far, I have a constant outlet for all of that stress. One hour to not think about what I have to do at home, what’s due at school or what I have waiting for me at work in the morning. It’s one hour of quiet time.
Sometimes when I am lucky I get a friend to join me and we get to catch up, vent about life and just enjoy that one hour of peace together. Best. Feeling. Ever.
Next week I start the No Boundaries program through Feet Fleet and I could not be more excited. Not only will I learn how to properly run and train to run my first 5k (for breast cancer!), but I will be able to meet other people who are on their early path to a healthy lifestyle as well.
I want to be healthy for me. I want to be healthy for my husband. I want to be healthy for my family. Life is too short to just sit around and watch tv all day. Get motivated!
Blogging is quite simply one of the few things on my list of things I REALLY want to do, but somehow always falls by the wayside.
So here is something I have been working really hard on and am really proud of…
Work and school. The end.
Just kidding. Health!
I have actually gotten myself into a very nice schedule (that is still taking a little time adjusting to). I knew earlier this year I needed to really focus on beng healthier. In fact, I am sure it was part of my reverbs! So I did it!
30 minutes to one hour of exercise a day (two days off a week).
It took some motivation to get going…the first bit of motivation was hot yoga and friends. Huntsville finally has hot yoga! I couldn’t believe it when I heard it! A friend of a friend had been taking hot yoga for some time and I was so jealous! It had been something I had been dying to try. So we signed up and I fell in love. In fact, the only time I have missed class was last week when I was sick. I was so sad! But this week I am back and all will be okay with the world again.
I thought eating healthy was going to be the toughest to stick to, but it honeslty hasn’t been hard at all. I still need to work on the “healthy” a bit, but I have cut back the non-healthy and have added more healthy. I keep track of my calories/foods/exercise in my handy little Android app-My Fitness Pal- (what did we do before smart phones existed??). Now I am way more aware of what I am eating and doing. I also allow myself a food-cheat. Every Saturday (or Sunday) I eat what I want. It works for me and this way I don’t feel discouraged!
To help with the exercising I have started walking 3 miles 3 times a week (yoga twice a week). I am trying to strengthen my legs for my first 5k in the fall. I have been using Endmondo on my Android (and so far I am really happy with it) I registered (just a few mins ago actually) for Fleet Feet’s No Boundaries program and couldn’t be more excited to start! Even if I can’t run it due to my knee problems, it will feel great to get in shape and be able to walk a 5k in good time.
I have lost 8 pounds. I returned good results on my biometric screening. Holy cow! I feel better (mostly less agitated and irritable). It has helped to be surrounded by people who are motivated and want to be motivated. It is hard. Really hard. People’s schedules are so chaotic these days that it is no wonder that so many people have health issues.
Some days are obviously way harder than others. I have a job that demands 40-60/week and I am enrolled in school full time. It has been a challenge, but it gets a little easier each week. I really hope to be able to continue being healthy and being motivated because I feel awesome.
So I havent’t posted in a while. Thank you college education and paycheck!
But, in the midst of all the chaos that I feel my life currently is I came to an inspiring conclusion.
I have struggled to be in too many places at once, often stressing myself out more than I really should. Who doesn’t want to please EVERYONE! Not that there are a lot of people I need to please, but you know. It gets exhausting when you throw the stress of everyday life in there.
A few weeks ago I was thinking about friendships that have come and gone, friendships that have died down, friendships that have bloomed. I have thought about my career and how absolutely happy I am to have found a career I am passionate about and enjoy. I have thought about my job and whether I am really happy in it and realized I am extremely happy. Everyday has it’s ups and downs, but overall I am happy with it.
Then I came to this conclusion…I’m happy where I am. I entered “month-close” (at work) with a completely different attitude. Don’t get me wrong, 60 hours in a week with a full course load is not joy-ride, but I felt at peace. I think it’s because of this…
I am perfectly happy with where I am. I happy with the amount of things I take on. If I take extra things on it’s because I crave it. I don’t take on anything I don’t’ feel 100% about. I have turned a lot of opportunities and have looked to a few as well. I have turned down being with friends for a nice, quiet, relaxing night at home. (Usually when I do get to do that it’s not often and I want to sleep.) I’m okay with that. I hope they are too. I am a homebody and always have been.
My life has gone through some pretty big changes over the past six months and one goal I always set for myself is to be healthy and the be happy. I have to do what works for me. At the end of the day it’s my life. I’m living it and loving it!
So even with every bit of exhaustion I feel today I have a smile on my face and am more than content.
The past few months have been a roller coaster of emotions in so many different ways.
Shay and I are working on getting healthy. It’s something I have wanted to do for a long time, but now we really have a reason. He can’t exercise until he goes through cardiac rehab ( you know…let’s make sure he won’t die while working out). I, on the other hand, have no excuse. I have started some workout videos and will be starting my C25k in the coming weeks.
School is killing me. This is the first time I have ever really been trying to make straight A’s and it looks like this semester it’s just not in the books. I am pulling B’s, but who doesn’t want to do better? Maybe I can pull something out by the end of the semester…but for now…B’s. Meh.
Work has been killer. Usually the week of month close is the worst, however, the past 6 weeks have felt like a non-stop “month close”. I leave work in a complete fog. It’s been hard.
I have missed my family terribly the past few weeks too. I miss them all of the time, but lately it’s been so much more than I’m used to. I think it’s because I am so disconnected from everyone. I am so busy and stressed.
But… there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I am hoping that some of the things Shay and I have been trying to work through in our personal lives will be fully taken care of in a few weeks. We are slowly getting our heads above water which is a great feeling.
So it will all come together. It’s just exhausting and “I don’t wanna play anymore!”
Okay. I’m done whining.
Oh! Hopefully I can get back to blogging again!
So I began my second semester (of six) toward my bachelor’s degree in Accounting last week.
This semester started off ROUGH.
The husband and I have been “ironing out” some financial details and I think I have those underwraps! But that has kept my mind completely occupied over the past few weeks.
But now, after four glorious (and I DO mean glorious) weeks off from what may have been my roughest semester ever, I have to get back into that groove. I struggled with this last week and most of this week. Of course it’s only the end of the second week, but when you’re taking a full load and working, that puts you behind in a split second.
Tonight I found my groove. Score. Things started to click again and nothing seemed quite as hard as it did only two days ago. So hopefully this will last.
I want to find a balance this semester. I am really organized and love schedules and lists! So I am going to try to put together a schedule for myself each day. I need to do this for my sanity and my health.
I want to be able to exercise. I am so completely out of shape. I can’t even make it up a flight of stairs without getting winded. That has GOT to stop. I used to be so athletic. Damn age!
I started myself off with a really detailed schedule last semester and I loved it. Not quite sure why I stopped.
This year I am making some very positive changes and focusing on some huge goals for myself and my new family. I cannot wait! But first I have to get myself in the right frame of mind: organize, exercise, be heatlhy, live heathy.
Wish me luck!
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